He Hate Me” was the nickname of Rod Smart, a standout running back for the Las Vegas Outlaws in the now-defunct XFL. In an effort to spice up the game, the XFL allowed players to put nicknames on their jerseys, and Smart chose “He Hate Me.” The name came from his experience at training camp when he would joke with fellow players, saying, “If I didn’t get the ball, I’d complain, ‘he hate me, man; this coach hate me.'” This nickname stuck, leaving a lasting impression in XFL history.
While the XFL is long gone, “He Hate Me” remains a symbol of how leadership and results are often linked. Leadership is not about being liked or winning a popularity contest, but about driving results—great results—on a consistent basis. To achieve this, leaders often need to challenge their teams to push beyond what they’re comfortable with, even when it involves uncomfortable and difficult tasks.
This is where the “He Hate Me” mentality comes in. When leaders challenge their teams to go beyond average performance, it can stir strong emotions, including resentment or anger. These feelings are part of the leadership journey. If you’re not facing some form of discontent or frustration from the people you lead, you may not be pushing them hard enough.
However, it’s essential to address these feelings of resentment. Leaders must work to turn that anger into motivation. Here’s a four-step process to manage and transform anger into meaningful results:
1. Recognize the Anger
The first step is recognizing when anger is present. If you ignore it, it will eventually undermine your leadership. Some leaders ignore people’s feelings, thinking that the job is to get things done, no matter how people feel. This can be a mistake because, in reality, effective leadership motivates people and addresses their concerns.
You can spot anger through body language, a decline in performance, rumors from colleagues, or direct expressions of frustration. Paying attention to these signals is critical to understanding and managing the emotions of your team.
2. Identify the Source of Anger
Once you recognize the anger, it’s time to understand its root cause. Often, people won’t openly express why they’re angry. Rather than forcing them to confess, approach them with curiosity and empathy. Ask open-ended questions like, “Are you upset with me?” rather than immediately assuming the cause of their frustration.
Dig deeper by identifying underlying issues. For example, someone might express anger over increased work, but upon further discussion, you might discover they’re more concerned about job security. This deeper understanding allows you to address the real issue.
3. Validate the Anger
Validation doesn’t mean you approve of their anger, but it shows you recognize their feelings as real and significant. If you dismiss their emotions, it will only deepen the resentment. Instead, acknowledge their anger and express a willingness to understand and work through it together.
For instance, you might say, “I can see that you’re upset, and I’d like to understand what’s bothering you.” This validates their feelings and opens up a dialogue, helping to resolve the issue without further alienating them.
4. Translate Anger into Action
Anger can be a powerful motivator if it’s channeled correctly. The key is to convert that frustration into concrete results. Often, anger stems from unresolved problems, and the solution lies in addressing these problems directly.
Use the problem/solution/action process:
Identify the problem: Work with your team to pinpoint the root cause of their anger.
Agree on the causes: Come to a mutual understanding of why the problem exists.
Find a solution: Collaborate to develop a plan to solve the issue.
Take action: Encourage your team to take the necessary steps to implement the solution.
Link to results: Show how solving the issue will directly contribute to better outcomes.
For example, if an employee feels their time is being wasted, work together to identify which tasks feel like time drains. Discuss what’s essential and what’s not, and come to an agreement about how to eliminate unnecessary tasks. Once you’ve made these adjustments, link the changes to improved productivity, efficiency, or financial results.